Receiving services is vulnerable, regardless of whether these services are sought or imposed in safeguarding. The experience of a practitioner stepping into someone’s personal space, whether in the home or through direct interactions, often involves sharing personal stories that can be therapeutic or retraumatising. This dynamic can create complex relationships between practitioners and the children and families they serve, influenced by inherent power imbalances.
Relational practice aims to address these complexities by fostering a respect for and understanding of the family's experience and ensuring that the services provided are both appropriate, relevant and impactful.
A critical component of relational practice is the mindful use of language. Language is not only a tool for communication but also a powerful conduit for shaping how relationships are perceived and how individuals experience the services they receive.
Michael Hyatt insightfully observed, "The language we use creates the reality we experience."
The language we use can either build a bridge of understanding or deepen the chasm of misunderstanding and judgement. Often the language used by practitioners can carry stigma and judgement, potentially making children and families feel blamed for their circumstances rather than considering the broader context and lived experiences.
When language shifts from blame to understanding, it not only alters perceptions but also the nature of the interaction. Let’s explore this with a couple of examples.
Example of language used in practice:
"The young person is placing herself at risk of harm."
Reframed:
"Given her experience of relationships growing up, Sarah seeks connections with others and has difficulty discerning safe relationships. Sarah is vulnerable to exploitation in her relationships with others."
Example:
"Mum presented confrontational and aggressive."
Reframed:
"Katie finds it difficult to trust professionals and sometimes, when she feels disrespected or judged, this can lead to difficulty in communicating her ideas and feelings in a calm and coherent way."
Key differences:
Use of “young person” or “mum” makes the text feel generic and impersonal.
The examples also focus on the individual as the problem rather than recognising the broader context that has impacted on their behaviour.
The reframed language employs personal and relational language, using individuals’ names and providing a matter-of-fact, empathetic, and contextually sensitive perspective.
This approach also recognises the impact of trauma and focuses on the relational dynamics at play rather than apportioning blame.
Why is it important?
Awareness of language’s impact on communication and relationship building with children and families is essential if practitioners are to be impactful. Every interaction, whether verbal, non-verbal, or written, communicates explicit and implicit messages.
Explicit messages are direct and clear, conveyed through words.
Implicit messages, however, are more subtle, expressed through posture, facial expressions, tone of voice, and word choice.
Authentic communication occurs when these messages are congruent; when they are not, there is a risk of misalignment between verbal and non-verbal cues.
Trauma-experienced individuals often have heightened sensitivity to both explicit and implicit messages. Their experience of trauma often leaves them in a state of high alert which is a survival instinct. This sensitivity means that tone of voice, choice of words, and vocabulary level play a significant role in establishing trust and safety. Language that is vague, defensive, or excessively formal can be confusing or intimidating. Conversely, clear, empathetic language fosters trust.
Best practice
At the outset of a professional relationship, setting clear guidelines for communication helps establish a foundation of mutual understanding and safety. This involves discussing how conversations will be conducted and seeking permission to navigate sensitive topics. A useful approach might be:
"I am not always going to get it right, and sometimes we are going to have to talk about difficult things. How will I know if you've not understand what I have said, if I use words that are triggering to you, or if something I have said has hurt you? I really want us to work together, and for you to know that it is safe to tell me if you disagree."
As practitioners, it is inevitable that mistakes will occur, even with the best intentions. At times, practitioners might be less present or sensitive due to various pressures, or personal biases may influence their communication. When mistakes happen, they should be viewed as opportunities for strengthening the relationship rather than setbacks. For instance:
"I noticed when I said [specific statement], your body language changed, and I could see I had upset you. I am sorry as this wasn't my intention. What was it about what I said that made you feel that way? If you are willing to tell me, I would really like to understand as I want us to be able to work well together. Understanding this will help me to communicate in a way that works for you in the future."
Understanding the impact of words
Professional curiosity involves actively listening, noticing, and understanding the lived experiences of those we work with. Recognising the meaning that words and interactions hold for the person you are working with, helps in being sensitive to triggers and inclusive in language use. Effective communication requires seeing beyond labels and addressing each individual with empathy, sensitivity, and dignity.
When writing reports or keeping records, imagine that the person you are writing about is present and reading your words. This practice encourages the use of respectful, balanced, and strengths-based language. Additionally, incorporating the actual words used by the person can provide a more accurate and respectful representation. It is important to hold in mind that a child or family reading a report or record, should see themselves in what you have written.
Reflection on language use is essential. Acknowledging our privilege and using social graces, understanding why we use the language we do and recognising how we really feel about a situation or person, is important preparation for effective interactions with children and families. Having space for reflection, such as in supervision, allows practitioners to process their feelings and be more present and authentic in their interactions with children and families.
For the most vulnerable children and families we work with, our words can become their inner voice. This could either affirm their most negative thoughts about themselves - words that have been spoken to them, or those they have internalised as a result of the traumas they have experienced. On the other hand, our words can offer affirmation of the strengths we see in them, the hope we hold for them and their future, the belief we have in their capacity to change.
Summary
To develop language that is caring, healing, and inclusive, consider the following practical tips:
Personalise your language. Think about how you would feel if that statement was written about you or a family member. Acknowledge and get to know the person behind the label/problem/crisis. Use names, rather than “mum”; “dad”; “sir”; or madam which feels impersonal and generic.
Position the problem in the context of relationships rather than centred in one person. What does the behaviour tell you about the person’s lived experience? What is the behaviour communicating?
Practise professional curiosity and check in regularly to make sure you understand, giving safe space for the child or family to disagree or correct your understanding.
Equalise the power imbalance, by giving choice wherever possible and refraining from use of jargon or distancing language. Ensure language is accessible and inclusive considering the individual needs, stage of development, and cultural background of the child and family.
Avoid problem-saturated, value-laden language. Use strengths-based language which is full of hope and is factual rather than based on opinions. For example, instead of “attention seeking”, you could say “needing comfort/attachment; connection seeking; need to feel seen”.
Avoid being definitive and restrictive in your language. Using words like “always” or “never” are rarely true and often triggering.
Avoid labels. People are not defined by their condition, their behaviour or their trauma.
If every interaction is an opportunity to impact a persons life positively, to bring healing, to develop trust, to bring hope, then use your language and interactions for good.
In conclusion, the power of language in service settings cannot be underestimated. Our choice of words and manner of communication profoundly influences how children and families experience and perceive the services they receive. By adopting a relational practice and using mindful, empathetic language, we can foster deeper connections, build trust, and offer support that truly respects and understands the child and family's unique context. Language has the power to either bridge gaps or create divides, and when approached with care, it can be a tool for healing, hope and positive change. As we continue to engage with children and families, let us be intentional in our communication, recognising its profound impact and striving always to use our words to build bridges of understanding, empathy, and respect.
Resources:
The Power of Words in Social work - An engaging video, not just for social workers but for any practitioner working with children and families, which hears from experts by experience who talk and provides further learning in how to use language well in practice.